Friday, August 21, 2009

Dear Jessy,

This is going to sound extremely dramatic.
I hope you dont assume im trying to complain or gain sympathy.
I think Im going to tell you this, because I need to express it to someone.
Yesterday was one of the most challenging and heartbraking days of my life.
I literally feel completely outside of myself. Its not an overwhelming thread of emotions, but moreover... my emotions have been so incredibly worn, im unsure of what to presume of feel at my current state.
I am utterly exhausted in every possible way.
I would tell you the events that played out, but it would only make me seem incredibly over the top because its difficult for anyone to grasp the magnitude of the situation.
Though, i do not expect you to see what or where im coming from at all. 
I know you are absolutely clueless as to what I am talking about.
But due to the circumstances of the situation, i wont be able to express this to anyone else.

So as i sit here in my bed. At 4 in the morning, i think only to tell how i feel about one of the most devistating experiences of my life to someone i hardly know at all. I think only to tell you.
I dont know how I will crawl out of bed tomorrow.
I dont know how will percieve myself now that it is over.
I only know I have to get out of bed.
I have to wake up and move forward.
Despite my state of mind, I have to find the will power to sustain myself emotionally.
Tomorrow is tomorrow.

Right now that seems like one of the things I know for sure.

Thank you for listening.
You dont even have to respond to this confusing message.
But I am glad I know you in some small way.
Because I needed to know you in this moment.

Thank you dearly.