Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Dear heart,

I held my you in my hands. You were finally pumping, red, alive, strong. I clenched you and whispered angrily,
“Why now? Why do you have to change now?!”
From the top of my head to the bottom of my feet I was captivated.
I felt pain, vulnerability, hate, love, want, desire.
Once cold, you were warm underneath my fingertips. I exhaled at the touch.
The room stilled and I knew the answer.
When you were cold I felt nothing. Not the hate of an enemy or love of a friend.
Now that I feel, it burns…. But I’m feeling.
I brought you to my chest and tucked you away.

I used to think that not feeling made me happy. In a world where I touched unfamiliar faces, I could do most anything. But what is worth doing so much if you can’t capture emotion while your embracing it.
I’d rather want a million impossible things and feel,
Then want a realistic possibility and forget what it means to be alive.

Pain has never felt so sweet.