Tuesday, March 30, 2010



I’ve reached a new level of understanding about myself. I think self-discovery can be one of the most exciting things for a person, because when we understand ourselves, we begin the amazing process of understanding others.
That being said, I’ll bring up a quality I posses that I try desperately to get rid of.
A while back, I had this epiphany… that I was a self-centered and inconsiderate person. Since that day I have tried desperately to transform into the person that I wanted to be. It’s been a slow process, a long 8 months, and an unfinished goal. When I look at where I would like to be, I get very discouraged. But then I look back on the length of road behind me and allow myself to feel a moment of accomplishment for the distance I have traveled.
Although my changing character has effected me for the better, I’ve noticed those around me still seem to be suffering. This is confusing to me. What am I doing wrong? It seems as though my efforts have gone to waste.
But then, if I take a closer look I realize a small difference in the way that I do things.

My intentions.
I’ll give you an example.
When I had the dishes assignment in my house I always completed my task. But while I was scrubbing the dirty plates, pots, and pans, I was thinking about the rewards of finishing my job.
Now, when I have the dishes assignment, I still complete the task. But this time when I’m scrubbing the dirty plates, pots, and pans, I’m thinking about how I am doing something that my busy mom won’t have to.

This doesn’t make me an amazing person. I have worked extremely hard to have the right intentions when doing things like, family dishes.
For most people, they are naturally selfless. So if anything… I am the person scrambling to reach their level.

This approaches my point.
To those on the outside, the people in my life, I would imagine that there seems to be no change at all. After all… I’m still washing the dishes. What else is new?
The only person that can recognize WHY I am washing the dishes is myself.
Yes, I will continue to hurt those around me. Sometimes it will be because I’m selfish. But other times, it will be because I am human. And although my intentions are sincere, I may still fall short.
But at least, I will understand that my WHY was sincere. And I can simply look back and change my error in the future.

So in reality… being selfless isn’t just for those that surround us, it’s for ourselves.

How incredibly ironic: selflessness can be ones own self, for ones own happiness.
But only if the intention for selflessness… isselfless.