I’ve reached a new level of understanding about myself. I think self-discovery can be one of the most exciting things for a person, because when we understand ourselves, we begin the amazing process of understanding others. That being said, I’ll bring up a quality I posses that I try desperately to get rid of. Selfishness. A while back, I had this epiphany… that I was a self-centered and inconsiderate person. Since that day I have tried desperately to transform into the person that I wanted to be. It’s been a slow process, a long 8 months, and an unfinished goal. When I look at where I would like to be, I get very discouraged. But then I look back on the length of road behind me and allow myself to feel a moment of accomplishment for the distance I have traveled. Although my changing character has effected me for the better, I’ve noticed those around me still seem to be suffering. This is confusing to me. What am I doing wrong? It seems as though my efforts have gone to waste. But then, if I take a closer look I realize a small difference in the way that I do things.
My intentions. I’ll give you an example. When I had the dishes assignment in my house I always completed my task. But while I was scrubbing the dirty plates, pots, and pans, I was thinking about the rewards of finishing my job. Now, when I have the dishes assignment, I still complete the task. But this time when I’m scrubbing the dirty plates, pots, and pans, I’m thinking about how I am doing something that my busy mom won’t have to.
This doesn’t make me an amazing person. I have worked extremely hard to have the right intentions when doing things like, family dishes. For most people, they are naturally selfless. So if anything… I am the person scrambling to reach their level.
This approaches my point. To those on the outside, the people in my life, I would imagine that there seems to be no change at all. After all… I’m still washing the dishes. What else is new? The only person that can recognize WHY I am washing the dishes is myself. Yes, I will continue to hurt those around me. Sometimes it will be because I’m selfish. But other times, it will be because I am human. And although my intentions are sincere, I may still fall short. But at least, I will understand that my WHY was sincere. And I can simply look back and change my error in the future.
So in reality… being selfless isn’t just for those that surround us, it’s for ourselves.
How incredibly ironic: selflessness can be ones own self, for ones own happiness. But only if the intention for selflessness… isselfless.
am an aspiring artist. am incredibly opinionated. trust easily. am a realist. try to find an answer to everything. don't sleep. liked to be proven wrong. am not insecure. am very independent. want what i can't get. am a ballet dancer. give everyone the benefit of the doubt. dig my head into useless information. talk to much. bite my nails. will always listen to what you have to say. always have my head in a book. often change the subject. can't stand immaturity. plan to move to LA. never sleep. write stories, opinions, and useless conclusions.