I wish I knew what to feel.
Relief? I have a name to my problem.
Anger? That I didn't see it sooner.
Sadness? Because of what that entitles.
I'm finding some gratitude that it wasn't something more severe.
But I can't help but sit and read the name over and over.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
It feels like that name belongs to someone else.
I guess that means I'm surprised more than anything.
I really don't know much at all about life.
And even more so, I don't know much at all about myself.
I know what you mean.
ReplyDeleteI denied my completely obvious ADHD until I was a freshman in high-school and having trouble in school.
Once I got diagnosed I didn't know what to think. I spent two months analyzing everything I did, how it was different from normal behavior, how I responded to the people around me, and wondering how I could have ignored the fact that I couldn't sit still or focus for 15 years.
But that feeling goes away. The name of the diagnoses stops popping into your head every time you do something and you move on.
I've learned how to deal with my attention span and short term memory retention about things I'm not interested in. I think my friends appreciate that I can pay attention more now.
And my personality hasn't disappeared, even with medication. I still am crazy, I still can't sit still, and I still have to go for a run everyday to wear myself out in order to do my homework.
So the feeling of not knowing who you are goes away.
Good luck!